Feet
Theme: Paul was at pains to point out that, like the bits of our bodies, we all have a different role to play in the life of the church, and we should not all expect to be feet when we have the gifts to be hands. This sketch takes that idea to its logical/illogical conclusion when a many-footed woman visits her doctor, with obvious problems.
Staging: Provide the GP with a desk, stethoscope, and medical chart if possible. The woman will need several pairs of shoes!
Feet
A doctor is
sitting at her desk. A woman enters the surgery, wearing wellington boots on
each hand, a shoe over each ear, and a pair of shoes over her chest. She will
continue to pace around.
Woman: Morning doctor.
Doctor: Morning Mrs Smith. Do
sit down.
Woman: I cant very easily Dr.
Doctor: Problem?
Woman: (she indicates her
bottom) Im wearing stilettos. Its a little bit painful when I sit. The heals
are pointing inwards!
Doctor: Well then, please do
continue to stand.
Woman: Can I walk doctor? I
love walking.
Doctor: Very well..
Woman: Cant get enough if it.
Seven
Theme: Numbers are sometimes used figuratively rather than literally in the Bible, and the number 7 crops up time and again. This sketch tries to open the door on the significance of the number 7. It might be used in a sermon on the 7day creation story, 7 daughters of Midian, the 7 months Noah spent on the ark and so on. Or its just a comedy sketch for entertainment.
Staging: Only requires a Mastermind style chair for the quiz contestant.
Seven
A big chair, in
a spot light. Elsie enters and sits. The Voice of the Quiz master can be played
by anyone on or off stage.
QUIZ MR: Good evening. Your
name is?
ELSIE: Elsie Briggs.
QUIZ MR: Occupation?
ELSIE: Irritating pensioner.
QUIZ MR: And your specialist
subject?
ELSIE: Numbers in the Bible.
QUIZ MR: Very well Elsie. You
have two minutes on numbers in the Bible and your time starts now. How many
months did Noah spend on the ark?
ELSIE: Seven.
QUIZ MR: Correct. In the story
of Moses, how many daughters had the priest of Midian?
Weather
Theme: A TV weather girl predicts the plagues on Egypt as described in Exodus. Perfect as a sermon illustration, or comedy-night sketch.
Staging: Requires a stand with a map of Egypt, to which weather symbols may be affixed.
Weather
A weather forecaster comes on stage with an easel showing a map of Egypt, and the Red Sea.
Forecaster: Good evening, well it looks like Egypt is in for some pretty changeable weather over the next weekend and well into next week. Its going to start cloudy with a little high frost on Friday night, but that should clear by morning. For most of the country, it should be a bright start on Saturday, but by the afternoon it will turn cloudy again with the River Nile turning to blood by Saturday evening.
She puts a blood symbol on the map.
Sunday morning will see a plague of frogs coming in from the east..
She puts a frog symbol on the map
But they may clear by the afternoon if Pharaoh agrees to free the Israelites. If not, Monday will be much the same with a plague of gnats,
She puts a small gnat symbol on the map.
Checkpoint
Theme: The Bible tells us that the wise men reported to Herod that they were going to see the Christchild. Its part of the Christmas story not often told, but its hugely significant. This sketch tells the story of how they came to visit Herod and is useful as a sermon illustration.
Staging: Ideally the soldier will be dressed in Roman uniform, otherwise, in whatever military gear you can muster. The Kings should dress in traditional crowns and robes.
Checkpoint
The three kings enter from stage
right, riding imaginary camels, and solemnly carrying their gifts. From stage
left, a Roman centurion steps out, waits for the kings to approach him, then
holds up his hand to block their path.
KING 1: (The kings pull-up
their camels) Whoa!. Steady boy, steady.
SOLDIER: Evening gentlemen
KING 1: (Politely and a little
nervously) Evening officer.
SOLDIER: Nice night for it.
KING 1: Yes, isnt it?
SOLDIER:Whatever it happens
to be.
KING 1: Yes.
SOLDIER: Going somewhere
nice are we sir?
KING 1: Erm. Well, were not
exactly sure.
SOLDIER: (sarcastic) Really
sir? So, what are we doing in Jerusalem at this time of night, during a curfew,
while the census is on?
KING 1: Well officer, as it
happens, we are following that star.
Inn
Theme: This sketch deliberately tricks the congregation/audience into thinking its about the traditional Nativity story, and turns it on its head. The idea is to make you question what you think you already know so that you dont fall asleep during the traditional Christmas service! Can be used in a service or comedy night.
Staging: Other than indicating a doorway, no special staging is required. The innkeeper shouldnt look too smart.
Inn
A man and a
pregnant woman wearing Arabic dress arrive at the door to an inn, and knock. An
innkeeper, similarly attired answers the door.
Innkeeper: (In a very
supercilious manner) Yes?
Man: Good evening innkeeper. My
wife and I have been travelling all the way from Judea to a town called
Nazareth, which happens to be this one, and we are looking for a room in the
inn.
Innkeeper: Would that be a twin
or a single?
Man: (Completely surprised by
the question) Err
Innkeeper: In her state, better
make it a triple room.
Man: She is heavily with child.
Innkeeper: Heavily with child?
Who says stuff like that these days? Shes fit to burst more like it.
Man: If you havent any room,
wed be happy to sleep in the stable.
Bride of Christ
Theme: The church is supposed to be the bride of Christ, and the clergy has a role in preparing the bride for her groom. If Jesus came to your church, would the bride be ready? In this sketch Jesus comes to a clergyman and asks to be married to his bride. A sketch that should challenge us and our ministers.
Staging: This one is set in a church so nothing extra is needed!
Bride of Christ
An elderly vicar is centre stage and is approached by a young man.
Man: Vicar, can I have a word?
Vicar: Just the one, or would you like to try to form a sentence?
.
Man: (A bit put off) Erm. I want to get married.
Vicar: Oh, a life sentence! How courageous of you.
Man: Well Actually, Im fairly relaxed about it.
Vicar: And committed?
Man: Totally
Vicar: (Looking round) And your bride to be?
Light Bulb
Theme: Prayer is great, but sometimes we need to realise that rather than praying, we can be the answer to prayer. Rather than asking God to intervene, ought we to notice when God is asking us to intervene? This is a simple sketch that can be used in church to encourage people to pray less and participate more (ok, I dont want anyone to pray less, but read the sketch and youll see what I mean).
Staging: You will need to find a step ladder, and a lightbulb, but that is all you will need.
Light Bulb
Sid brings
on a step ladder, and erects it. He also has a light bulb. He thinks of
climbing, but sees John and calls him over.
SID: John. Have you got a
minute?
JOHN: Sure.
SID: I just need some help with
my ladder.
JOHN: Sure, right. Well lets
pray then.
SID: Cant you just.
John applies pressure to Sids shoulder so that both men kneel down.
JOHN: Lord, I pray that you
will send someone to help Sid in his time of trouble. Hear him Lord as he cries
out to you for help. (to Sid) Tell the Lord what you need Sid.
SID: I just need someone to
hold my ladder.
JOHN: Lord, Sid is ready to
climb the ladder of faith, but like us all Lord, he feels his faith is wavering
and unstable. Strengthen him in his moment of wobbling.
Operating System
Theme: One for the technocrats in your congregation, especially the men. Here a young man complains to the help desk that his new found faith (ie. his personal operating system) is incompatible with many of the programmes he used to use. A good sketch for an Alpha course or for new Christians to acknowledge that becoming a Christian may have consequences and demands that make it a struggle and sometimes lead to frustration.
Staging: Have your character sit at a table with a laptop computer and a mobile phone.
Operating System
A man (or woman) sits at his lap-top/PC and is on the phone.
ACTOR: Yea, is that the help-desk? Thank goodness for that, Ive been hanging on the phone for hours. (pause) Whats the problem? Ill tell you what the problem is mate, its this flipping operating system, thats what the problem is(pause). Right ok, from the beginning(pause) Ok, four weeks ago you finally persuaded me to upgrade my operating system from Geezer 6.7 to Christian 1.0. I didnt particularly want to upgrade, but you lot said that Christian 1.0 was fully tested and wouldnt give me any trouble. In fact, you said it would be fantastic. You said it would be life changing(pause). Yea, well it isnt fantastic(pause). Well, Ill tell you why. Ok? For a start, its completely incompatible with some of my favourite applications. Ever since I started using it, I cant run PubFight 7, WhiteLies 2.1 or GrandTheftAuto(pause) Yea, well you never said anything about that when I upgraded(pause). I paid a fortune for those applications, and now I cant use them(pause).. Yes, I know it works great with other applications, but what on earth makes you think someone like me wants to use Worship2007all the time? If Id wanted to sing and wave my arms in the air Id have bought PremiershipFootball or RugbyWorldCup (pause). No, I havent tried using MilleniumGrace or
Mary
Theme: This sketch permits you to tell the Easter story in an amusing way, with Mary giving her account as if under police interrogation, but with a nice little twist at the end. A sketch that can be used in an Easter day service to add a bit of variety to the occasion.
Staging: Requires a chair for Mary to sit at, and a table lamp to shine in her face.
Mary
In low light, a big arm chair centre
stage, with a table lamp on a table close by. Mary, in Biblical robes, is
brought to sit in the chair by two burly men, not exactly rough handling her,
but almost. Grammus, a Roman centurion turns the spot-light onto Marthas face,
and circles with menace.
GRAMMUS: So Mary, a simple
woman from Judea. You claim to know everything about what happened that morning
at the tomb?
MARY: Thats right.
GRAMMUS: Ok, so lets get
started. Tell me, who was with you that morning?
MARY: Mary Magdalene.
GRAMMUS: Ok. What was the first
thing that happened?
MARY: (Thinks) There was an
earthquake.
GRAMMUS: Thats right. And then
what happened?
MARY: An angel of the Lord came
down.
Palms
Theme: As Christians, we may find it hard to understand how the crowd could turn on Jesus after his trial, not least because he was welcomed so enthusiastically on Palm Sunday. Surely we would not have turned on him? Well perhaps we might, especially if our current culture of celebrity obsession was already in existence 2000 years ago.
Staging: Requires a table to act as a stall for the shop keeper. If you can populate the table with many flowers, leaves and branches, this will help with the effect. Try to dress the woman in Biblical dress.
Palms
A man
stands behind a stall with as many flowers as the church can provide. If nothing
else he stands in front of a notice saying Flowers for sale. A young woman
enters.
WOMAN: Morning. Have you got
any palm leaves?
MAN: Good grief! Another one.
WOMAN: Another one what?
MAN: Youre the seventh person
to come in this morning asking for Palm leaves. I sold out hours ago. Three guys
came in first thing and took the whole lot. Normally you cant shift them for
love nor money. Ive tried all sorts of ways to make them look more attractive.
Ribbons, goats feet, camel droppings. Then this morning. Whoosh! All gone
within five minutes of me opening.
WOMAN: So have you got any?
MAN: I just said, not. Not one,
nada, nothing. Ive got palm branches, palm twigs, palm bark, palm heart, palm
roots, palm sap, palmoil, palmolive, and palm shavings, but no palm leaves.
Ted Ned Fred
Theme: A sketch that uses word game-play to tell the Easter story. A sketch that might be used with a secular audience because its not overtly evangelical, but nonetheless gives all the salient details of the last supper, Jesuss arrest, trial, crucifixion and resurrection. Its also set in a pub so it feels non-threatening.
Staging: I envisage the three actors as northern, working stereotypes, cloth caps, sleeves rolled up, sitting round the bar table supping pints of beer.
Ted Ned Fred
Two men sit at a table. They should be dressed in 1930s working class clothing, and speak with strong northern accents. Enter Fred with a tray of 3 beer glasses, which he passes out.
FRED: Ted.
TED: Thank you Fred.
FRED: Here you are Ned.
NED: Fred.
Ned and Ted, clink glasses.
NED: Ted.
TED: Ned.
Then both clink with Fred.
NED:Fred.
TED: Fred.
Translation
Theme: Two missionaries attempt to tell the Easter story to a tribe. The only problem is that one of them must translate what the other tells him to say, and he isnt too good at the language. A sketch that can be used to tell the Easter story, but also that illustrates how difficult it can be to translate the Bible, and how careful we must be not to cross cultural boundaries/taboos when trying to share the Gospel with others.
Staging: Try dressing the missionaries in khaki jungle gear that suggests they are in a hot climate. Have them address the congregation/audience as if they are the tribe.
Translation
Two men dressed in colonial pith helmets and khaki edge their way to the front of the stage. They talk as they walk.
MATTHEWS:Right, Simkins. This is why we joined the Missionary Society. The chance to preach the Good News of Easter to the tribe of the Kumangettit.
SIMKINS:(nervously) Yea, sir, to be honest Im not sure were up to this. I mean, were not that good at the language.
MATTHEWS:Nonsense Simkins. You speak it fluently.
SIMKINS:Conversationally, sir, yes. I can get some water and find my way to the cesspit. But to carry the message of what Jesus did for us all on the cross?
MATTHEWS:Dont worry Simkins.
SIMKINS:But they dont even have words for sin and redemption. Or the cross.
MATTHEWS:Its not a problem. Ill keep the language simple.
