Quiz questions
Theme: There is nothing deeply spiritual about this sketch, but it is good fun! The first few lines below tell you all you need to know. A good sketch for a church entertainment evening.
Staging: All you need is the Mastermind chair for the contestant.
Quiz Questions
A chair
centre stage. Maurice comes to sit. A spotlight falls onto him.
QUIZ MR: Good evening. Welcome
to Mastermind.
MAURICE: Im Maurice Wilkins.
QUIZ MR: And what is your
name?
MAURICE: Answering a question
from the Bible before youve asked it.
QUIZ MR: And whats your
specialist subject?
MAURICE: Adultery.
QUIZ MR: And your time starts
now. What is forbidden in the seventh commandment?
MAURICE: Riding a donkey.
QUIZ MR: Correct. How did
Jesus enter Jerusalem on Palm Sunday?
MAURICE: Drunk and disorderly.
Sarah
Theme: The dry, matter of fact language used in the Bible sometimes obscures the detail of a truly remarkable and shocking story. That is especially true in the story of Abraham and Sarah, which has elements that make modern soap operas seem positively tepid. At the time, the events MUST have caused scandal and gossip, so in this sketch, two women gossip away..
Staging: The two women should look like theyve been out shopping and are on their way home. Dont worry about Biblical dress, but do make it clear theyve been out.
Sarah
Martha and
Rebecca come on stage both carrying expensive carrier bags. Theyre both dressed
as very proper, middle aged women.
REBECCA: Hello Martha, love.
MARTHA: Hello dear. Been
shopping?
REBECCA: Just been into
Gomorrah. Such lovely shops theyve got there. Got myself one of those fancy new
food processors.
MARTHA: Oh, do let me see.
Rebecca takes a wooden spoon out of her bag and shows it to Martha.
MARTHA: Oh I say, what will
they think of next?
REBECCA: It stirs, beats, folds
and creams, according to the brochure.
MARTHA: Does it, now?
Marvellous.
REBECCA: Much better than the
old stick Ive been using. Looks like youve been to the shops too?
Snakes for supper
Theme: A modern day retelling of the story Jesus told to show us how to pray. It is ultimately about making your prayers simple, and telling God exactly what it is that you want. (That doesnt mean youll always get it of course).
Staging: Set a table centre stage with a white cloth and a wine glass to indicate a restaurant. Dress your waiter in black suit, bow tie, and cloth over his arm,. The more classy you make the waiter appear, the more ridiculous will be his unwillingness to serve.
Snakes for supper
A table is centre stage laid ready for a meal. Steven enters and sits. He notices a waiter over in the corner and signals him over.
WAITER: Good evening sir.
STEVEN:Good evening, waiter. Can I see the menu?
WAITER: That very much depends on how good your eye sight is sir. Theyre over there in the corner.
STEVEN:Can I have one?
WAITER: To keep?
STEVEN:(a bit confused) No, just to read.
WAITER: You dont merely wish to see it then sir, you want to read it as well?
STEVEN: If thats alright.
WAITER: Certainly sir. Youre the guest.
Stoning
Theme: What difference did it make long-term to the men that Jesus prevented from stoning the woman who was caught in adultery? This is actually a sketch about our own hobbies, obsessions and habits. What are we prepared to change for Jesus? After an encounter with Jesus, how easy do we find it to give up things we have always done?
Staging: It would be good to dress the men in Biblical clothing if possible, otherwise, dress Joshua as if he is a football fan about to go to the match.
Stoning
Joshua knocks at a door and James answers.
Joshua: Hi James. Its time for the stoning.
James:Erm.
Joshua: Should be great today. Theyve got a couple of really evil law breakers this week. (checks piece of paper) Theres an idolator and a bloke who gathered wood on the Sabbath. Three oclock kick off.
James:I dont think I can come.
Joshua: Youve got to. Youve got all the stones.
James:Ive lost them.
Joshua: Isnt that them down there?
James:Is it?
Joshua: Of course it is.
James:But theyre not working.
Sin
Theme: This sketch tries to scratch the surface of what sin is, and how our relationship with God is bound up by our sin. It asks more questions than it answers and should be used to ask a congregation to consider what sin means to them, and how it affects their relationship with God and each other.
Staging: Sit a receptionist at a desk and if possible, display behind his/her head a board with the name of a local (or fictitious) college.
Sin
Sheila is sitting at a desk doing admin. Enter Gerald, a much older man.
GERALD:Good afternoon. I want to know if you do an evening class in sinning?
SHEILA:Im afraid [local name] college doesnt have a singing class as such sir. We do have music appreciation or classical guitar. Or have you thought of joining a choir?
GERALD: No, no, no, you stupid woman. Not singing. Sinning.
SHEILA: Sinning?
GERALD: Thats what I said.
SHEILA: I think the closest we have to sinning is Latin American dancing. Im not sure that counts.
GERALD: And completely impossible with my knees. Youre sure you dont have sinning lessons?
Speed dating
Theme: How do we view other Christians and other churches? Are you in a church that thinks it is right about every issue, or led by a pastor that tries to control the congregation. Do your members fail to support joint church efforts? This sketch is a challenge to those who are set in their ways and unable to debate openly with other Christians.
Staging: Place a table centre stage with a chair either side.
Speed dating
An empty table in the centre of stage has two chairs either side. A bell rings. From left, comes Steve, early 30s, ordinary. From the right, Jenny, early 30s ordinary. They dash on to occupy a chair each, and after a little awkwardness, Steve holds out his hand.
Steve: Hi, Im Steve.
Jenny:Jenny.
Steve: First time speed dating?
Jenny:Yea.
Steve: Me too.
Jenny:My friends put me up to it.
Steve: Gosh, me too. Church friends!
Jenny:Really? Youre a Christian?
Steve: Yea. First black mark I suppose?
Jenny: No! I am too.
Election
Theme: It is clear from the betrayal of Jesus that not everyone thought he was the Messiah, or even the right kind of person to be the Messiah. From our modern perspective too, do we accept Jesus as he really was, or do we have an idealised and selective view of his upbringing and character. Yes, Jesus was without sin, but that does not mean he was without traits and a family history that made him truly human. This sketch challenges our own notions of what a Messiah should be like, and perhaps also asks whether we would have voted for Jesus or Barrabas if given the choice.
Staging: Biblical dress would be good for the characters on stage. Plant at least one actor in the audience to lead the responses.
Election
Sitting at a desk facing the
congregation are four men. They are clearly convening a meeting. This is a
sketch where audience participation could be utilised. Make the congregation
aware that when the words All in favour are spoken, they should murmur words
of consent.
EZRA: Alright brothers, if I
can convene the Union meeting open, Im ready to take proposals for electing the
new Messiah. All in favour?
The audience should be agreeing! But
Abraham is sitting alongside Ezra and raises his hand.
ABRAHAM: Point of order Mr
Chairman, when electing the Messiah, what criteria are we actually voting on?
EZRA: Good point brother
Abraham. According to our constitution the most important criteria in electing a
new Messiah, are that we have a proposer and a seconder. Paragraph 6d clearly
states that all officers of the National Union of Zealots and Messianic Workers
shall be elected by majority vote, subject to officers being duly proposed and
seconded by fully paid up members of the said Union. All in favour?
Christmas Cards
Theme: A simple sketch to illustrate that you cannot have Christmas without God.
Staging:
Provide Lucy with a table and desk top lamp to indicate her office. Both women should be dressed smartly for work.
Christmas cards
Jenny is sitting at her
desk writing. Lucy, her boss in a sharp suit comes to her side. If possible
there should be Christmas Cards all around the set.
LUCY: Hi Jenny. Hows it going
with the new Christmas card verses?
JENNY: (Unconvincing) Yea, its
going.ok.
LUCY: Are you sure?
JENNY: Well. I can seem to
get them started ok, but somehow theyre not quite working.
LUCY: Can I hear one?
JENNY: Erm.. Well it is only a
first draft.
LUCY: Dont worry, thats fine.
JENNY: Ok, right. (She reads)
At Christmas time, we all give thanks.. For presents sent to please us .And most of
all, we give our thanks .. For the little baby turkeys.
Four Kings
Theme: A fourth king turns down the chance to encounter Jesus, using many of the excuses we might use to pass up the same opportunity. A good sketch for a Christmas congregation, offering a challenge to the once-a-year attender to think a little more about whether they should make more effort to meet with Jesus over the coming year.
Staging: Dress the kings in regal cloaks and crowns so that they are instantly recognisable.
Four Kings
There are
three kings on stage, busily chattering and wrapping presents. A fourth king
(Shalbazar) knocks and enters.
SHALBAZAR: Hi guys.
KING 1: Shalbazar. How good of
you to call round.
SHALBAZAR: Your servant said it
was urgent.
KING 1: Oh it is. It is. We
have received a great commission, and we want you to join us.
SHALBAZAR: Sounds fun. Whats
the plan?
KING 1: We four kings have
decided to follow yonder star.
SHALBAZAR: Come again?
KING 1: We are embarking on an
epic adventure to follow yonder star.
SHALBAZAR: Youre doing what
now?
TV evangelist
Theme: This sketch is a challenge to all of us to realise that we cannot do Gods work under our own strength, and we must be careful also not to do it for own glory. It is a failing I recognise in myself, and you can see it in other church leaders (especially the TV evangelists). But this sketch applies to all of us, asking whether we really listen to God for his guidance, or whether we are too busy doing our own thing.
Staging: Try to set up a TV chat show setting. Better still if you can display something behind the actors to illustrate you are on the Faith Matters TV set. Consider using a non speaking actor holding a large camera to record the action (but not to obscure the actors).
TV evangelist
Kirsty, a TV interviewer sits with Rev. E. Booster and God. The Rev is dressed in a sharp suit, and God is dressed casually in normal day clothes.
Kirsty: Good evening. Tonight on Faith Matters, Im joined in the television studio by the Reverend Eric Booster, a world famous TV evangelist, who this week reveals he has converted his ten millionth shouldnt that be tenth million? anyway, its a bucket load of people hes converted to Christianity.
Booster: Good evening.
Kirsty: And Im also joined in a rare television appearance, by The Lord God Almighty Himself...
God: (Giving a cute little wave) Hello.
Kirsty:Reverend, if I can start with you first, ten million people. Thats an awful lot of converts. How do you do it?
Booster: Well, I imagine you expect me to come out with the cliché phrase that its not down to me, its down to the power of
Crucified
Theme: A gentle, sometimes, humourous sketch that follows two men who knew a little something of Jesus, in the immediate aftermath of the crucifixion. It illustrates the disappointment and defeat there would have been, the acceptance that Jesus was dead, gone forever, never to return. Sometimes we rush to tell the Good News of the resurrection, without stopping first to acknowledge how devastating the death of Jesus would have been for his followers.
Staging: Try to use lighting and sound effects to create the moment that Jesus died.
Crucified
Two men in Biblical dress are
staring out into the distance, away from the congregation as if looking over the
shoulders of unseen people in front of them. From off theres a loud crack and rumbling
noise, and the two men feel the tremor of the earth. When the noise dies down
the two men, turn round, drop their heads and look completely dejected.
MAN 1:Thats it then. Its all
over. Jesus is dead.
MAN 2: (Though dejected, he
tries to be strong) Dead James, but NOT forgotten.
MAN 1:(Agreeing) Dead, but not
forgotten.
MAN 2: Which makes him special.
MAN 1: He was special.
MAN 2: Because all those other
rabbis, you know that went before him.. they are dead, AND theyre forgotten.
MAN 1: People wont forget
Jesus.
MAN 2: As for you and me
mate..
MAN 1: What?
MAN 2: Were forgotten and
were not even dead!
Donkey
Theme: A light hearted sketch for Palm Sunday as two disciples look for the donkey to bring Jesus into Jerusalem. It nonetheless allows the characters to pass on a simple message about who Jesus was (and is), and also to remind us that we need to follow the instructions Jesus gives us, rather than to make choices that often only serve to complicate our lives.
Staging: I see the salesman dressed as a typical modern day dodgy car salesman (trilby hat, sheepskin coat), but the two disciples dressed in Biblical robes. If possible, rig up the sign for the shop, so it is clear from the outset who the man is.
Donkey
A salesman is on stage in scruffy suit, picking his nails. Two
disciples enter stage left.
SALESMAN: Morning sirs. What
can I do you for?
DISCIPLE 1: Hi. Some people
back there told us you might have a donkey.
SALESMAN: Ive got loads of
donkeys sir. Thats why the sign says, Honest Bills Second Hand Donkey
Showroom. If I didnt have donkeys, Id be telling you a lie sir, and then I
wouldnt be Honest Bill, Id be Lying Bill, or at the very least, Having a Bit
of a Laugh Bill, and that wouldnt be very good for business sir.
DISCIPLE 1: Right. Can we see a
donkey?
SALESMAN: You can see lots of
em sir. Just look in the field and there they are. Question is, what sort of
donkey are you looking for?
DISCIPLE 1: I dont know. Jesus
just told us to come into town and we would find a donkey.
Lent
Theme: A sketch for Lent that simply questions what the period is for, and what is the point of giving up things for Lent. It is a discussion starter for a congregation, intended to ask questions rather than answer them, except it does make the final point that giving up something just for the sake of it is in fact, pointless.
Staging: Modern dress is all that is needed, though you will need several props for the actors.
Lent
John comes on stage. Sally enters from
opposite side. They greet, kiss, and hug. While their arms are around each
other, John manages to produce a huge bar of chocolate from his pocket, and eats
a chunk, right next to Sallys ear.
Sally: (Horrified) John! You
cant! (She pushes him away)
John: What?
Sally: Eat chocolate!
John: I think youll find I
can. (He eats a chunk) Yea, that pretty well proves it.
Sally: No.
John: Just open my mouth, put
in the chocolate, and close. (he does it again). Easy!
